This year has felt very strange for me, especially now, when I find myself in almost exactly the same position I was in 4 years ago.
At the end of 2019, I was partying hard in Bali, excited about my rotation in Singapore. At the end of 2020, I was back in Luxembourg, looking forward to moving to Singapore again. At the end of 2021, I said goodbye to SKP and pissed off a few partners (or maybe just one). At the end of 2022, Leo and I were back together, spending Christmas in Italy, traveling in Egypt, Dubai, Oman. At the end of 2023, we spent Christmas in Singapore with our parents and off to New Zealand for NYE. Last year, we were back in Italy again. And now, here we are in Singapore.
The past 4.5 years since I moved from Luxembourg to Singapore has been incredibly eventful, both professionally and personally. I started my consulting career in February 2027, and by February 2026, that will be nice years. I will have spent almost exactly the same amount of time in Europe as in Singapore (actually if we count lockdown, more time in Singapore already). And yet, I find myself once again at the same stage: looking for opportunities outside of consulting. The people I spoke to 4 years ago are still in the same places today (not necessarily the same roles but the same companies).
What has changed most about me? Aside from still being in healthcare, I’ve expanded from manufacturers (medtech and pharma) into providers (hospitals and labs) and payers (insurers and the government). I’ve earned more, but I’ve also come to a rather cruel realisation: APAC is marginal compared to global business in terms of revenue. That’s simply the truth of the consulting industry.
I miss my past self. I’ve always missed the girl I was in 2017, when she was given the chance to enter an industry she was curious and passionate about, when she was given the opportunity to travel the world, when she was constantly meeting people who would go on to have a lifelong impact on her. And now, almost 33, I still don’t really know who I am. Sometimes it feels easier to keep running than to stop and reflect on how empty I sometimes feel.
After the safari trip in Tanzania, I couldn’t get excited about any other destination for a long time. Then the knee surgery happened, and in so many ways, it was kind to me. Life was kind to give me the opportunity to pause, to slow down and to indulge myself.
Many years ago, a fortune teller told me I would have a great 10 years from 23 to 33. He never explicitly said what would happen after 33, but I supposed it might not be as smooth. I’ve been feeling pretty numb for a while now. It’s hard to find new stimulation, the things that used to excite you start to feel a bit vanila. I know in a way that’s part of life. But that also means we need change - both professionally and personally. Those calm, nice, boring days may feel comfortable, but we cannot stop there. We have to live. We cannot just drift.
Let’s not run away, let’s live in the moment, let’s break the pattern.
Time for new horizons but never discount experience.